![]() ![]() Learn how to say no and wait for something that is truly worth your time. We think if someone shows interest in us, we should say yes and we should be so grateful to have secured that attention. You shouldn't need that kind of validation. You don't have to date every single person who wants to date you. I get it-you might be so great that people just want to date you all the time, but that isn't an excuse. It's a pattern-a pattern that needs to be broken stat. You're jumping into talks with the next person who shows up. You're not doing any of that good old soul-searching. If you wind up in a relationship a few weeks after dumping someone, you're probably fishing for it. You keep looking for love because you don't want to face the reality that is being alone. You don't hop from relationship to relationship because you "just can't seem to stay single." You hop from relationship to relationship because you don't know how to be single. If you have never done that, you are also option B. I'm not a time wizard, but I'd say try at least two, preferably three to four. And you should probably spend at least a few of your adult years 100% single. Don't delude yourself into thinking that you're option A-you don't get to be option A because you decide you're option A. ![]() My friend with all the under-accomplished boyfriends? She's option B. The latter of which leads to the poor relationships. It is, in fact, hard to stay single when a) you have done a lot of work on yourself and have a stable life and a ton of confidence and b) when you have done no work on yourself and keep dating every person you see. It's hard to tell when someone is being truthful when they say they can't stay single. If you can't even bear to stand on your own two feet for any significant period of time, how can you expect to form a stable and equal partnership? You can't stay out of relationships long enough to learn from past mistakes. You stay busy to avoid doing the work internally. When you are regularly looking for someone new, you don't learn. I was growing, but I was whole.Īll of this taught me everything I know about finding true love. I then spent three years with the man I thought I'd marry, only to be back on my own again. I dated a bunch of jerks, one great girl, and some more jerks. ![]() It wasn't until I was single for almost two years that I figured out how I was supposed to be treated (ahem, like an absolute queen). Keep in mind, I've done both the single thing and the serial dating thing. You're looking for a missing piece that you will never find because the missing piece cannot be set in place by another human. It means you're looking to find someone to complete you, when what you need is to complete yourself. If you wind up with a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner every few months, that isn't good. Serial monogamy is a half-assed way to find love. ![]()
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